He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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