He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The air was thick with penises
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
