the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
