how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
