This is not my ceiling
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
