clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
