well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
