at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
