Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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