More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
