Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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