FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
