I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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