i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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