PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Holy sore nipples Batman
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
