I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
