I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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