So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
