When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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