Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
