My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
