Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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