she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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