I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
