so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
