I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
