Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
thus making me awesome and them whores
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
