It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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