I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I supernannyed him into submission
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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