So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
