She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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