how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
