Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
