Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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