Is it because I queefed?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
