he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
