I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
