I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
