no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Terrible idea I love it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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