well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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