I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
