You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
