bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
