i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
