So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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