He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
