And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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