did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
