this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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