I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
