I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
